Why cannot we figure out that newspapers are part of the foundation of our society. How do we find out what is movie theater? Why am I the only to see that this is just another piece of our life falling apart.

My grandkids believe that I don’t need newspaper because they buy me this computer. Still have not been able to print the paper from my lapcomputer. I have been able to find news on teh internet, but not the same as reading a paper.

My grandkids mean well, they just dont understand how it is that we got to this point with music. Records are just as good, if not better than electron music on the ipods. I still have all my my lps from my youth. These cannot be replace no matter when I looke on the internet.

. . . He’ll use his new version of Windows ‘Microsoft Wormhole’ to get him there fast!

By JOHN CARTEROF
Financial Reporter
Redmond, Wash.

BILL GATES, taking advantage of the current economic crisis, has announced an ambitious effort to buy Mars, TechDirt learned today. One would think the founder of Microsoft has no more mountains to climb. That’s far from true, and those mountains are not on this planet.

And now a company insider is telling TechDirt that Gates, the man who revolutionized the world of computing with Windows, plans to move from cyberspace to outer space. His target? Not Earth but Mars, the fourth planet from the sun. The reason? “Because it’s there,” our source laughs. “He thinks it’s the next logical step. The age of computers was launched by the machines we created to explore space. To come up with the next generation of computers, Gates believes we need to go back into space.

“He also mentioned he wanted a new vacation home, something with a whole lot of privacy.” Mars would certainly give him that. The latest data from the Red Planet shows it to be cold and lifeless.

“It’s like Finnadigbodagattir on a Thursday night,” laughed Einar Fredrikktsen, who is arranging the sale. He is the Greenland ambassador at the United Nations.

Not that the real estate purchase process came easily. As an uninhabited world, Mars fell under the jurisdiction of the United Nations Institute of Technology (UNIT). When the UN first decided to sell the Red Planet as a fund-raiser for peacekeeping efforts — ironic since Mars was the Roman god of war — Helki Santgar also made a bid to buy it. Though the international home-furnishing store mogul had the cash, his computer mysteriously malfunctioned when he was submitting his final bid. He also didn’t have a way of actually getting to Mars. Neither did an anonymous third bidder who lives in Springfield, Ohio.

“We are at least fairly assured that Gates would have no difficulty commuting,” said UNIT chairman Fredrikktsen. “The people at Microsoft are apparently developing a new version of Windows to make the trip — something like ‘Microsoft Wormhole.’ ”

Microsoft Wormhole will essentially be a matter-transporter, our source tells TechDirt. There are rumors the traveler would be digitally disassembled by a computer or cell-phone attachment, sent through Windows software and reconstituted at his destination.

“Developers will allegedly debug the program by going through the wormhole themselves,” our insider explained. “So far, the worst that’s happened is that an engineer somehow acquired another ear.”

One feature in particular which our source thinks could be “the next big thing” is the compression utility which provides an instant five-pound weight loss per transport.

“We call it a super-‘fast’ program since it keeps you from eating,” he chuckled. “It’s better than exercise. Thanks to the passive nature of the Internet, we have a huge and ‘spreading’ community of potential users, if you get my drift.”

“I hope Wormhole works as well as the Windows Millennium Edition,” whined W. Smithers, who represented the bidder from Springfield. “If not, we have hounds that we’ll send to pull him out.”

The purchase also has political ramifications. Reporters who attended a recent press conference with President Bush asked him if he would ever consider visiting Mr. Gates in his new home. According to them, he said, “You bet. I’ve always dreamed of vacationing closer to the sun. And — it’s a red state, right?”

“Yes, sir,” they replied patiently.

“Sure. It’s the moon that’s blue,” they say the President went on. “Well, the democrats can have the moon,” he said, gesturing toward his seat.

People who have bought homes know how exhausting the process can be. We asked our Microsoft source what Bill Gates thinks it would be like to buy an entire world.

“It would be rough, I can tell you that, though not quite as difficult as drawing up his prenup,” the source explained. “Plus there’s two moons which would have to be bought separately. If you stacked them up, the documents alone would reach his new planet from here.

“It’s not simply a matter of buying land,” he continued. “As Weekly World News has reported on numerous occasions, alien law is a real growth market. If microbes or amoeba are discovered on Mars their rights have to be preserved without reservations. Or rather, with reservations,” he said with a wink, alluding to accommodations made for Native Americans.

Microsoft has also allegedly hired legal experts to draw up proprietary software licenses for the Red Planet. According to our man, “It will work like region codes on DVD players. If Wormhole users pick up any viruses on Mars they won’t infect Earth hardware and vice versa.”

When asked whether Gates plans to pick up a few more astral bodies when he’s firmly entrenched on Mars, our wellinformed source stated, “The sky’s the limit. He’s got his eye on Pluto. Naturally, I guess he wants to build a dog house there.”

Someone asked “why didn’t the Bush admin. stop this if the saw it coming?” There are no clear answers to this issue. However, there are many clear points that are a matter of public record. There were a number of attempts by a number of people to stop this train wreck.
Unfortunately there were also politicians greased by special interests who made sure those attempts fell on deaf ears. Even John McCain tried to stop this. He made at least one impassioned Senate floor speech warning of this a year or so before the bottom fell out. The Bush people made a number of attempts to plug the loopholes being exploited.
Those trying to correct this regulatory loophole situation, were marginalized quickly w/ the now tired rhetoric, racism.
Barney Frank is on record charging any who wanted to create some sort of regulatory reform, racists. He told his fellow House members those seeking to regulate were just against those less well off having homes. He also told his fellow House members as late as early 2008 that Fannie & Freddie were financially sound, backed by the government. He just failed to mention that meant taxpayers would have to bear the financial burden of fixing the mess.
But Barney was not alone. Chris Dodd in the Senate did his part to thwart those regulatory efforts. Dodd is now better known as the guy who got a sweetheart mortgage deal from now failed Countrywide Financial. Perhaps Senator Dodd was too blinded by his special financial deal to recognize the pitfalls of loans to those who simply could never have afforded to repay them if any little financial issue or interest rate change came up for those customers.
Our politicians failed us by over-regulating & poorly regulating many of these financial organizations & instruments, then actually failing to issue regulations that would have helped, but based their opposition solely on political gains rather than actual financial understanding of the market.
Republicans AND Democrats alike failed us. Too much government in many cases, too little other cases, none when called for, & perhaps worst of all, most poorly written in the first place. This mess is not because capitalism failed but because politicians, government, special interest groups suspiciously significant influences, greed, campaign contribution paybacks, political grandstanding, & a desire to push America into a specific ideological direction some want since “they” know better than any of us how to run this country & even our daily lives.